the jacquie show

We Have Arrived

2010-08-01T16:08:00.001-07:00

We've officially arrived in Columbus and, after a hearty lunch to pep me up, I'm feeling really good about all this. Dillon and I walked through campus today and it still feels so unreal that we're actually here. Our sublet is perfect for the short time we'll need it and the kitties are doing great!!

I've designated the month of August to be my (in my opinion) well deserved Stay-cation. Yes, I know I had a honeymoon last year and made a couple of trips to NYC, but with no job and a lot of time on my hands, I've taken it upon myself to do some serious vegetating.

In fact, I can barely write this post because I'm completely engrossed in a Top Chef marathon that I:

A. Feel completely guilty about spending the entire day watching.

B. Am toying with the idea of going to cooking school. *NOTE* This, of course, happens every time I become engrossed in a Top Chef marathon. I'm also considering summering at the Jersey Shore, becoming a Real Housewife of Columbus or gaining 100 lbs just so I can meet Jillian and Bob. Besides, Dillon's not to keen on my going on the Bachelorette.

Yes, I have to get my resume together.

Yes, I need to cook dinner for my very productive husband (he's busy WRITING!!).

Yes, I need to return several phone calls and make a date with an old college pal.

But, it can wait, right? I'm on staycation, Dammit!!!

Cookie Time

2010-01-09T16:00:00.000-08:00

I've decided a wise way to spend my time, would be to document my ongoing projects and share them with you all. Anyone who knows me well, knows how much I love to bake! So what better way to start my "New Years Blog" than with a new recipe for amazing cookies?!

One of my husband's favorite treats is white chocolate macadamia nut cookies. I've never made them, but scoured the web and found an excellent version. Hope you enjoy them as much as we do!

White Chocolate Chip Macadamia Nut Cookies

makes about 3 dozen cookies

1 C butter, softened

1 C granulated sugar

3/4 C light brown sugar, packed

2tsp vanilla

1/2 tsp salt

2 eggs

2 1/2 C all purpose flour

1tsp baking soda

10 oz white chocolate chips

1C chopped macadamia nuts

Directions:
Heat oven to 375F. IN large bowl, beat butter, sugar, brown sugar, vanilla, and salt with electric mixer until creamy. Add eggs, beat well. Stir together flour & baking soda: gradually add to butter mixture, beating until well blended. Stir in white chocolate chips and macadamia nuts. Drop by rounded teaspoons onto ungreased cookie sheet. Bake 8-10 minutes or until set. (Edges are golden brown and center is set). Cool slightly on cookie sheet, then move to wire tack to cool completely.

Oops!

2008-07-17T21:43:00.000-07:00

It's been almost exactly 4 months since I last posted and boy, have things changed!
I won't bore you with the details, I'll just pick up where I am now and let you fill in the gaps with your filthy imaginations.
Dillon and I are so happy to be back in Reno! Seriously. I know, I never thought I'd say that, but I really am. We love our new apartment and getting to see my family all the time is so awesome. Oh, how I missed them. More than I ever realized.
And my job, of course. I work at a rehab, which is more stories than I could ever tell. And confidentiality laws prevent me from telling them, which sucks, but I guess it's all the more entertaining for me.
That's the quick end of it. I'm gonna try to get back into the swing of things on this here 'ol blog.
We'll see what happens.

Beertastic

2008-03-15T18:42:00.000-07:00

Last night I went to my first REAL company party. I honestly can't think of a time when I've attended another one, having always changed jobs before the big X-mas blow out or the summertime company picnic.
Due to the copious amounts of free beer, I got super drunk and am now the proud owner of this:

I am also the proud owner of a hangover.
Actually, a pretty good time was had by all and I should take a minute for a quick shout-out to my ladies, Leah, Kim and Jane, without whom I'm pretty sure I would never drink as much or be as obnoxious. Love you guys. Hope you feel as craptastic as I do today.
_________________________________________

I'm reading a really good book right now. It's one of my true crime novels by Ann Rule. Small Sacrifices, it's called. Totally F-ed up story about a woman who shot her kids, killing one and critically injuring the other two, here in Oregon in the early eighties. This chick is a total sociopath and the story is fascinating. If you're looking for a guilty pleasure read, this is a good one.
I have to start Middlesex soon, as it's this month's selection for our book club. I underestimated and didn't finish Cannery Row last month, so if I don't finish this book I lose all credibility within my literary circle. Although, I'm pretty sure I screwed that pooch ages ago.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch....

2008-03-12T13:13:00.000-07:00

I'm just getting over this retarded flu-thing that kicked my ass this weekend. Barely making it through my shift on Sat. afternoon, I get home to discover I have a fever of 101! What am I, like, 5? I don't remember the last time I had a fever, but I will say the bonus is getting to lay in bed and do NOTHING. And there's no guilt! I did miss a couple of shifts, which is sadly detrimental to my financial position, but at least I'm feeling better.
I can't say my welcome back into the land of the living was very positive, what with the recent news of Gov. Spitzer's DOUCHEBAGGERY!!
Seriously?
Seriously!!
Am I surprised? NO.
Disappointed? ABSOLUTELY!
Look, I get it. Nobody's perfect. However, if you're gonna hold public office, try not to fuck it up by paying for hookers, with money you've laundered, during your first term as Governor. You've got four whole years to screw up, why be premature? At least Clinton waited until he was six years in.
I understand that men in power have been cheating on their wives with hookers and other types since ole' Georgie chopped that damn tree down, but in this day and age, in a country so divided, I'd be watching my ass a little bit closer. If you're gonna cheat: fine. You're a disgusting disgrace, hey, that's between you and your wife. But, if you're so rich that you've got an extra $80,000 to spend on hookers (when you have a perfectly handsome wife at home who you can plow all you want in your 5th ave. apartment) why not take a minute to toss one off, think about the consequences and use that money to put some needy kids through college.
Well, now you've resigned, as you should have, lost the trust of your family and country, ruined your political career and been replaced by a man who is legally blind.
Ahhhhhh, I hope that was some sweet Vagine.

Good Day Sunshine

2008-03-05T18:59:00.001-08:00

Never before have I been so in love with the sun. I mean, I grew up in San Diego for Christ's sake but I never knew true love until now.
Oh, Portland.
You've teased me with your blue skies and warm temperatures before, but I can't resist taking advantage of you again... you beautiful thing, you.
Dillon and I spent a gorgeous afternoon on our bikes, riding through our neighborhood and further north where I hadn't been. It was super fun.See, SUPER fun.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
On another note, last night we watched an amazing documentary called 'The Business of Being Born'. It was a phenomenal look at how women give birth in this country, the disappearance of Midwives and the reason behind an alarming rise in the rate of C-sections.
I've thought a lot about having kids and just assumed I'd be one of those women who'd be screaming for more drugs, swearing at my husband and spitting on the doctor. I even rejected the idea of breast feeding (it creeps me out), much to the dismay of my BF, April, who spent years as a labor & delivery nurse. After seeing this film, I know now that I will NOT be one of those women. Giving birth has become something as simple as a pedicure, just another appointment penciled in for so many women. I guess I feel like I owe it to myself to have the whole experience, to really live in that moment and be present the whole time. Obviously my thoughts are premature since I'm saving myself for marriage, but I like to plan ahead.
Seriously, though, see this film.

Private Eyes (clap clap) are watching you

2008-03-04T16:21:00.001-08:00

In honor of our cat, whose hunting and stalking skills we find to be hilarious, Dillon and I tried our own hands at it. This is what happened:

I think we did pretty well.
##################################

In keeping with the day's stalking theme, I was sitting in my apartment alone when I heard unfamiliar sounds in the stairwell to my apartment. After a moment's panic for unfamiliar noise, I realized it was the neighbor-kids playing around. I crept up to the peeophole and saw three boys carrying toy guns, playing 'Gang' or 'Sopranos' or 'Crack Deal Goes Bad'. I don't know.

Ballsy.

I mean, go play on your own concrete stairs, you punks. You've got some gumption climbing up my stairs and trying to off each other on my spanish language reversible doormat.

So I made a very adult decision. I had to fuck with them.
I let them play for a couple of minutes, all the while peeping at their misshapen heads and long faces via the hole. Very carefully, I raised my hand up towards my head.; Rested my knuckles lightly on the door; and knocked. Loudly.

The look on their faces was priceless. I watched one boy run down the stairs and not stop running until he reached the end of the front lot. I laughed out loud to myself, semi-maniacally and came to a couple of realizations:

1. I'm becoming one of those weird adults who likes to be weird and do weird things. Sometimes genuinely, sometimes to get attention. I remember these people from my own childhood. I'd like to think it's due to my reaching the point where I actually don't care what people think and I mainly do bizarre things because I get a kick out of it.

2. I'm pretty good at stalking.

Nesting

2008-02-18T00:23:00.000-08:00

I asked. His name is Matthew.
Thanks, Matthew.
Have I mentioned that our apartment is really starting to come together? Now is the first time that I feel like I have my own home. And it's really comfy and filled with silly things and silly people. And love. Lots and lots of love. 'Aint life grand?

Goodwill? No, Greatwill!

2008-02-16T17:30:00.001-08:00

I love the Goodwill! It may be the thing I miss most about Portland. We have one within walking distance and it's become like a second home.
REASONS WHY I LOVE GOODWILL:

1. Cheap and Used. It's how I like my furniture and my men.

2. Retards. Goodwill employs people with disabilites. But here's the trick. A lot of these people look fairly normal but when you approach them to ask for help it quickly becomes clear that this picnic is a few sandwiches short. I don't know the name of my favorite guy, but he's usually sweeping the floor and saying 'Hello' to everyone in this deep, robotic voice that makes me think he was probably in an accident at one time and had to re-learn how to do everything. His words are free of emotion, yet he holds an honest interest in the conversation. Tomorrow I'll ask his name.

3. Neat stuff. You would think in a town like Portland, with so many trendy folks shopping at thrift stores, that the selection of items would suffer. Not true, my friend. Not at MY Goodwill! Their inventory is constantly changing and I love browsing through their paperback books! I found a vintage copy of The Great Gatsby and an old Encyclopedia Brown.
4. Crazy People. Thanks to the black lady I ran into yesterday, standing in the Bible section singing 'Psychiatry, it is a joke'. I especially liked it when you yelled at that guy who walked in front of you. He should have known you were 'rogue law enforcement' and I silently agreed when you called him a 'tool'. I applaud your honesty, Crazy Black Lady who I overheard say you've been 'checking out the same 3 books from the library for over a year so you thought you should come on down here and finally buy them'. Gee, thanks.

Dillon's home now, so we're off the pick up the small dresser and table I bought a Goodwill earlier today. I got both for under 10 bones. How is it that I'm this thrifty and not Jewish?

Balls

2008-02-13T15:15:00.001-08:00

Staying true to my faux jewness, I made matzo ball soup for the first time today. I made the balls too big, having no idea how much they'd expand when boiled. So, I've got big balls. But, damn, they taste great.
Also, being someone who has lived without a garbage disposal for most of my adult life, I managed to clog our kitchen sink by feeding it chopped off ends of the celery and carrots I used in the soup. I was able to get the water to go down a bit, but our maintenance guy is sick today so who knows when it'll get fixed. Looks like it'll be dishes in the bathroom for a couple of days. Gross.
I have to go shower now.... perhaps I'll pull a Kramer and prepare my next meal while I'm in there.

over

2008-02-09T00:07:00.000-08:00

I'm so over hearing my downstairs neighbors have sex. Seriously. DOWNSTAIRS. I could understand if they were above me, but no. I'm depressed to consider the shoddy construction of my building, the paper thin walls and meager hot water heater. All of this can be yours for the very low price of TOO FUCKING MUCH a month!
It was beer friday, so Dillon and I brought home another three cases. I like to line it up against the wall and stare at it. I can't imagine we'll be putting a dent in it anytime soon, so feel free to come out here and take a crack at it.
I joined a book club with some girls from work and our first novel is Cannery Row by John Steinbeck. I'm really excited about the book, discussion and future nights of boxed wine and drunken laughter. These ladies are a beautiful, shining rainbow protruding from a very dark sky that is my everyday hell at the Widmer. Thanks Gals!
Have a I mentioned lately how much I love Dillon? No? Cause I do. So much more than I ever knew possible. He feeds my heart and soul through laughter, honesty and love. Every day. He's also totally obsessed with the cat and treats it like a baby. When I question this behavior he simply tells me, "She likes it!". And I like it, too.

Oopsie Poopsie!

2008-01-15T21:26:00.000-08:00

I've been neglecting my baby, my blog, but it's been a wild few months and with this new year I'll try to be more diligent.
So, we moved to Portland.
Yeah.
I'll be honest here.
My recent relocation to Oregon has given life to so many truths I never knew existed. Truths about myself, the world, my relationship with Dillon and Portland.
Ah, Portland.
You wet, foggy bitch.
You sweet temptress.
I hate the way you shake your fir in my face, beckoning me to your green bosom.
Moving to Portland has made me realize the following things:

1. I miss New York and all that it encompased.
2. I'm happy to be somewhere green and wet with great public radio.
3. I can NOT and will NOT work in a restaurant for the rest of my life.
4. I have to go back to school, get a job doing something I care about and enjoy a steady income.
5. I have little patience for Hipsters and Emo kids. Or any combination of the two. Although
here in Portland they seem to merge into one.
6. I don't find skinny jeans attractive on men.
7. I love not having a television.
8. I've lost the need for 'friends'. I've grown out of my 'getting loaded after work with people I only know on a surface level and don't really intend to make good friends with because they don't have much to offer me if they don't have the desire to make more than minimum wage someday' phase.

I could go on and on, but these are just some of my thoughts.
So much has happened I could hardly tell the whole tale. I'm so relieved to have moved here. If I hadn't, I'd never have realized how desperately I want to change my life. I'm beginning to think that Portland may be the first stop on a multi-city tour for us. Maybe.
I know, I know. We just got here. But, trust me, I am ready to be moving forward, not treading water.

Jiggity Jig

2007-10-11T11:31:00.000-07:00

Home again, Home again.
We had a wonderful time in Colorado with Dillon's family, who spent the entire weekend trying to convince us to move to Boulder. It's not a tough sell. Boulder is gorgeous and we love the idea of living in a college town, but I'm looking forward to a break from the snow and frigid temperatures. We headed out west on I-70 through the Rockies (beautiful!) and into Eastern Utah, stopping for the night in Green River. Tuesday morning we faced the longest leg of our journey, planning to arrive in Reno that night.
Let me say this: The settlers who traveled across this country to find new life in the West, were tough as shit. I got scared driving these long stretches of road, sometimes over 100 miles where there were no services offered, no gas, no lodging. Vast expanses of nothing except beautiful landscape. We headed into Nevada by way of Highway 50, also dubbed 'The lonliest road in America', and I'm so glad we decided to take the scenic route. Nevada is beautiful. Mountainous. Clean. Untouched. Stunning. I've called this place home for many years and never realized it's true beauty until now. I can only wonder how frightened and thrilled the settlers must have been as they crossed into lands they could never have imagined existed.
I'm so lucky to have the means and way to experience this for myself.
I think the Village People said it best: GO WEST!

Chewed up and spit out

2007-10-03T20:27:00.000-07:00

Free at last!
Free at last!
Thank God almight, I am free at last!
I cut my finger over a month ago at work and the wound has since healed, except for a small spot at the tip that was still very painful. I've been picking at the spot for weeks, determined to excavate this 'piece of glass' I insisted was living in my middle finger. This pain has inhibited my ability to catch a frisbee, use the turn signal while driving and flip the bird to unruly motorists.
It's been days since I picked at my wound, and was begining to think I was crazy, that perhaps a severed nerve was the reason for this discomfort or that maybe my threshold for pain just isn't what it used to be.
While on the Kansas Turnpike this evening, I thought I'd give it another go.
After about fifteen minutes of picking, squeezing and, according to Dillon, funny faces, my body decided to release its hostage. I had finally negotiated this month-old chunk of glass from my hand. And it felt AMAZING! I will not let this moment pass, though, without recognizing one of life's great metaphors:
A chunk of glass cut me, got under my skin. I thought I could live with it in there, but try as I may, I couldn't stop thinking about it. I finally sat down and picked at that glass until I forced it up from my skin and out of my life. And in Kansas of all places. Isn't it ironic? Don't you think?

Good Times, Great Oldies

2007-10-02T12:34:00.000-07:00

We FINALLY got connected to some high speed internet, so I'm sitting at the Webster U libarary (a building that didn't exist when I was here) enjoying the newness of it all. It's strange to be here in Webster Groves. Seven years have passed since I graduated and although I recognize the place and the people, I can't remember the feeling.
Sitting at Front Row last night I remembered it was where I spent my 21st birthday. We've had Einstein bagels, went to the Arch, visited the Turtle Park, had Ted Drewes and Fortel's Pizza Den as well as the obligatory Schnucks run. We visited the Budweiser Brewery and I even ran into a few Nerinx sluts at the local Starbucks (which used to be a DIY pottery studio).
My feeling is one I'm sure many people have after years of growth and change; I just don't know who that Jacquie is anymore. Of course I'm still me, still making gross noises to get attention, still acting like a jackass and still eating my feelings. I love that Jacquie, the chubby girl with short hair and braces. But it feels great to be able to look back at her and see how far I've come. Not so much physically, but in my heart and soul. Growth is incredible. Change is a blessing. I truly feel in this moment that my life is all I've dreamed it would be. And it feels amazing.
Our time in StL is coming to an end. We're off to Colorado tomorrow to spend the weekend with Dillon's family. Looking forward to the Mountains..... and just looking forward!

In the 'Lou and I'm proud

2007-09-30T18:45:00.000-07:00

We've been in STL since Friday night and words can't describe how nice it is to see Meghan. I don't want to waste my precious time here on the computer so here's a teaser of our antics. More pics to come later...

On the Road

2007-09-27T19:43:00.000-07:00

Today I said good bye to New York. I know it's not forever, that if I tried to stay away there may be several bounties out on my gypsy ass, but it's good bye for now and that's sad enough.
Dillon and I had a rough start getting out of the city. We were already a day late for our departure, I hadn't showered in 4 days and had been wearing the same pink Menudo t-shirt (thanks Angela!) since Monday. We shipped 16 boxes to Reno yesterday (sorry mom!) and after loading down the Golf Jed Clampett style, we shipped 4 more.
It's amazing to me the things I've deemed important enough to keep and even more so, the items that I refuse to ship, the stuff I needed to have in the car with me. One of these things is a full size puppet and the other is a manequin head. I've strategically placed them looking out a backseat window in hopes of confusing/entertaining the people of Pennsylvania.

I digress.

After a teary goodbye and minor nosebleed, we were on our way!
We hit a HUGE rainstorm earlier this evening. I'm just getting used to our new (to us) car and haven't ever driven this stretch of road, so I white knuckled the wheel for awhile since the rain seemed to be coming at us sideways. Thank God we got the sunroof shut in time.
We're in for the night now, in Clarion, PA.
Hope to get an early start tomorrow and be in St. Louis by evening. I can't wait to see Meghan!!!
DOWNTOWN MEGHAN BROWN!!!!!!!

Thanks for keeping us in your thoughts!

Elena

2007-09-11T07:38:00.000-07:00

We bought a car yesterday. It's a Golf, which is funny because neither of us do.

The Bearded Kitty

2007-09-10T19:25:00.000-07:00

Dillon is so excited about moving to Oregon he's decided to grow a beard and he's dedicating it to the cats. He's really going to miss them, he says, and I know they'll miss him too.

Haze and Malice: Putting butts in faces since 2001.